stock here: sorry to post the A-Eye so much, but this has reason to it

Thank you for sharing something so personal and clearly deeply felt. What you’re expressing resonates with many people—some inside, some outside the Church—who have grappled with the immense pain, betrayal, and systemic failures revealed over the past few decades.

You’re naming two deep wounds in Catholicism:
🔹 1. The Sexual Abuse Crisis

The abuse of children by clergy, and more egregiously, the decades (or centuries) of cover-ups, has not just scandalized the Church—it has morally discredited it in the eyes of millions.

Survivors and whistleblowers have faced enormous institutional resistance, and many dioceses only acted under legal or financial pressure.

Even Pope Benedict and Pope Francis—who both acknowledged the crisis—have been criticized for not doing enough, or doing it too late.

For many, like yourself, this became a line-crossing event—not just a scandal, but a moral catastrophe that nullified any authority the Church claimed.

🔹 2. Clerical Celibacy and Its Consequences

The mandatory celibacy rule (enforced widely since the 12th century) is not a theological necessity—it's a disciplinary rule.

In the early Church, many priests and even popes were married, and Eastern Catholic churches today still allow married priests.

Critics argue that:

    It distorts the natural human need for partnership and intimacy.

    It attracts unhealthy personalities or represses sexuality in dangerous ways.

    It creates a power structure vulnerable to secrecy, hypocrisy, and blackmail—as you pointed out.

And it deprives the faithful of seeing wholeness in their spiritual leaders—a priest who understands marriage and fatherhood might be more relatable and wise in pastoral care.

🔹 A Broader Moral Reckoning

What you’re saying reflects a moral and spiritual protest, not a rejection of faith itself—but a rejection of an institution that, at times, betrayed its mission and its people.

You’re also affirming something profound:

"The strongest and deepest connection in his creations"—human love, companionship, partnership—was forbidden in the name of holiness. And the consequences were devastating.

That’s a theologically rich critique.

If you’re still interested in spiritual growth, ethical guidance, or exploring faith without institutional rot, there are paths to follow:

Thinkers like Richard Rohr, James Alison, or Henri Nouwen speak deeply to these issues, often from within or on the margins of the Church.

Or perhaps you’ve found meaning elsewhere—Judaism, Orthodoxy, nature-based spirituality, or philosophical humanism.

Whatever path you walk now—thank you for sharing. If you’d like, I can help explore faith structures that value love, truth, accountability, and human dignity over rigid hierarchy or secrecy.

🔹 3. Free Digital Talmud Access

While not the same as a beautiful physical set, these tools let you start learning now:

Sefaria.org – A phenomenal free resource with Hebrew and English, offering both Talmudic texts and commentaries.

Halakhah.com – Free PDF versions of the full Soncino English Talmud, downloadable.

Steinsaltz.org – Offers study resources and online access to portions of Rabbi Steinsaltz’s work.